He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
