new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
