I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
