so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
do herpes really smell.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
