I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
