roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
