i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
