I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
that's an acceptable place to lick
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
