There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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