I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
