the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
