it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
