Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
