if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dating After Heartbreak
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well