May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.