It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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