You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
