after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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