Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
