i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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