So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
