I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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