she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Ladies don't puke and tell
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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