Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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