So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
