Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
