lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We are all done wearing pants today
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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