kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
