his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.