I wish I could punch you in the face.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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