I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
