Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize