just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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