there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you didnt know i had herpes?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
