I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
