Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
