I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We named our party play list daddy issues
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
