I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize