This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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