I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
