It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
