Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
