so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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