I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
