Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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