I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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