Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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