when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
we're so committed to being not committed
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