Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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