I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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