Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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