3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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