i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I stole a fireplace last night.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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