I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
