actually, I'm a sock model
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
