I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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