Only a mothe r could love this liver
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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