IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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