yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm too high and old for this...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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