Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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