His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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