u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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